Karen

I'm having a rather difficult time waking up this morning. It was a pretty rude awakening at that. My sister decided to blow up my phone starting at 9 am, knowing good and well the kind of hours that I keep. Then she took it upon herself to start coming over and knocking on my front door at 11am. Now, you must understand that my front door is very heavy, and very old. So, when she started pounding on my door it woke both my husband and myself up- but we ignored the knocking. At that point you would think that she would take a hint, but she didn't. She kept calling, until Greg finally couldn't go back to sleep. Then she called again and again, and finally he answered the phone. What was so important that she needed to pound on my door and call 15 times....? To tell me shit that I already know concerning my mother and the time frame for her parole dates. For the life of me I will never understand my sister or the mindless shit that she does. I love her, she is after all, my sister. But sometimes she just makes no sense. It's almost like she goes out of her way on a daily basis, to see just how far she can push me before I want to strangle her. I don't think that it's unreasonable of me, to not want her here until after 3pm on a day that I didn't crash out until 7:30 am. I just want to be able to sleep one single day without her pounding on my fucking door, or calling me 100 fucking times. I want to be able to cuddle up with my husband and sleep until we are both ready to wake up on our own...not by my alarm clock sister who is of the opinion that if she is awake, everyone should be awake even if they don't live in the same house. BAH!

Ok, now that I've gotten that out of the way, I'm still not having that great of a morning (afternoon rather if you don't keep the kind of hours that I do. ) Today we have to give the dog a bath. Oh, I haven't explained the dog yet. Her name is Hera, she is a miniature chihuahua- maltese mix. She will stay 5lbs and under her whole life, so she's smaller than Zeus. She is black and white, but has long hair because of the maltese in her. I think when the weather gets warm we will take her to be groomed and have her shaved down. I can't wait to see that, it will be rather amusing I'm sure. Since she has long hair, and I have no carpeting, her fur basically acts as a dust mop. So she has to be bathed pretty often otherwise she just looks a mess, not to mention she will start to stink. We're also going to trim up the hair around her eyes so she can see, and the hair around her butt so that there is no yuck factor. She's actually a pretty high matinence when it all comes down to it. But she's cute, and Greg loves her. Giving her a bath is an adventure in it's own right. She's so damn small that she looks like a drowned rat when she's wet, and you can't just put her in the sink and scrub her. You have to hold her against you or she loses her marbles. We found that out the last time we bathed her. I had to change my clothes afterwards, you wouldn't think that a dog that small could make such a mess, but she did. After we give the dog a bath, I need to take a shower. I have to work tonight, which I'm not looking forwad to, but hey we need the money.

Everything is well in the Marozzi-Krikalo house. Deb and Mike set a date for their wedding, so she's a Krikalo as far as I'm concerened. They are being married by the same judge that married Greg and I. It's good to see them both happy, and at peace. Setting the date gives them that sense of finality that they have been waiting years for. I'm glad that they can be happy without anyone breathing down their necks now. Greg and I are doing great. Every day I look at him and realize how wonderful my life is now, and how complete I am because he is here. He really is everything that is good in my life, and I am so greatful that he loves me. Every day is one day closer to the rest of our lives, and it's a fantastic journey to be making with such a wonderful man. That is all for now....

Good damn riddence to 2005.
*smiles*
Well, another year has came and passed- I'm still alive so I must be doing something right. All is well in the world. Mike and Debby got moved down here right before the holidays, and it's great to have them here. We love and appreciate them both. They're still in the un-packing phase of the move, but now that the holidays are over, things should run a little more smoothly. I still have some stuff to move out of their room so that they can get situated, but initially the move was pretty painless. It's good to have them here as a family unit, my house is indeed a home now. Work has been a drag. Not a whole lot of business so that makes for an irritating workplace. That will all be changing soon enough though.

Of course, with the coming of the New Year, comes new pics. Hopefully I will be able to get our film developed this week, as soon as I do, I will be posting pics. We have an assload of them too I might add. We have pics from Greg and I getting married, his trip to Philly, my trip to Philly, our Holiday Drink fest 2005, the new dog (yes, I said dog) and a handfull of spontanious ones. ( So, here's the year end, and year in round up: )

So this has taken a while to accumulate. It's been busy at the Marozzi Hotel and Casino. Married life has been treating us very well. I've been back at JB's working since the second week of October, I'll probably stay there until at least after the holiday season. It's amazing what can take place over the course of a year. Right now my father and his family are in the process of moving. They came to West Virginia to be closer to me, and we found them a house only 5 minutes driving distance away. They'll probably be moving in on Sunday or Monday. In the meantime, they are staying with Greg and I. By they I mean my Pops, his wife Pam, and their grandchild that they have custody of, and are in the process of adopting. Her name is Victoria Josephine, Tori Jo for short. She is 3 years old, and she's as quick as a whip. Very smart little girl, not to mention absolutely adorable but she can wear your patients down rather quickly. My stepmother Pam grates my nerves. Don't get me wrong-I love my Pops, but that woman irritates me in ways I never imagined possible. At the top of the heap, is the fact that she is so insistent that I call her "Mom", and that will NEVER happen. I have a Mother, whom I love dearly, and it would be just plain dishonoring for me to call that woman Mom. I'm glad that my Pops is going to be close to me, but it's going to take a lot of alcohol and herbal therapy to deal with his wife.

Mike and Debby will be moving down, and moving in, about a week and a half from now. I'm looking forward to that. I don't mind sharing my living space if it's with people that I enjoy being around. They are definitely co-existing sort of people. We all have equal respect towards the other parties involved. They certainly need to get the hell out of the living situation they are in now. It's proven not to be healthy for either of them. Moving is never fun, but it will be very beneficial for them in the long run. They will be able to keep their sanity intact, and sanity has been a rare commodity around that house for some time. My heart goes out to her, she's been much more steadfast and cordial than I would be able to be. Hugs and stuffs to you both sweetie, it will get better soon-I promise.

Zeus will be getting a girlfriend in a couple of weeks. She is under a year old, and absolutely gorgeous! She is a midnight black Burmese, with beautiful big round eyes. I would take her now but she is in her first season of heat. I thought about it and decided that if I am going to be moving another cat in, a female would be the better choice, but it would somehow just be wrong to move her in while she is in heat. Zeus has been castrated, and he was castrated before he was ever able to test out the family jewels. I think it would be rather mean to introduce him to his new living mate for the first time while she is in heat, and there is nothing he can do to help her. There is no removable doubt in my mind that he would, in fact try like a trooper. They will make a beautiful couple, and she will be getting fixed in the very near future so that the problem never arises again. Her name is Minnie, but being that she is under 1 year old, I may see about changing it. I'll have to see how responsive she is to the name she already has, and if it's plausible, she will be Persephone in the end. I'm rather excited about a new cat, but that means there will more than likely be a dog in my future. Greg has really buddied up with Zeus over the last several months, as if Zeus wasn't spoiled and full of himself enough before hand, he is doubly so now. Being the attention whore that he is, a new cat will be edgy for a few weeks, but he doesn't care for dogs at all. Greg wants a dog, so I have agreed that if it is a puppy and we can raise it around the cats, we can get one. But I can guarantee that Zeus still won't be thrilled with the idea.

Greg and I are doing wonderfully. A handful of very stressful situations in the past few months have proven that we will be fine no matter what. We've had more than our fair share of bullshit thrown at us, in a small amount of time and we have prevailed thus far. We are beneficial for each other in every possible way. He is my rock, and I am his glue. We keep each other together and strong, and that is the true test. I enjoy every aspect of living with him, and that has been very rare on my account. I know I'm not an easy person to live with, and I admire his capacity to put up with me at certain times. I really do love him in so many ways, I could never begin to explain. It's the little things that count, and they add up. It's been a fun trip, and I look forward to a whole lifetime of it.

The last few weeks have been extremely stressful, to say the very least. The drama, however, is slowly leaving me. I refuse to have it as a part of my life any longer. With that said, I'll get things squared away and broken down. **THIS IS AN OPEN NOTICE**

To those of you who do not have the decency, to have my best in mind- I politely say, "Piss-off". To those that want to see me crumble, better luck next time, because it won't be happening. To the ones who have hurt me repeatedly, I stand up and say, "No More". At this point I no longer care. I have been pushed, and pushed, to where I won't be pushed anymore. I have been taken advantage of, and used- but the buck stops here. I have been lied to, and manipulated- I down right refuse to have it ever happen again. I have sacrificed my own happiness time and again, to get proverbially kicked in the teeth. I'm not doing it anymore.

Eventually, this person will have their day of judgment. They will have to look into the faces of all they have hurt, with all of the vicious lies, manipulation, and deceit. Then, maybe, then they will see the error in what they have done. Maybe, they will feel some regret. But the regret that they feel will be nothing in comparison, to the malicious wounds they have inflicted on those that cared enough to stand by their side. It will be minuscule to the hurt they have so willingly strapped the the backs, of those that actually gave a damn enough to be there and love them no matter what. They will have to live their life knowing that they threw away the closest thing to, "Friends", that they have ever honestly had. And maybe then, just maybe they will feel that gut wrenching sickness that comes from finally knowing, and finally seeing, that every strand of what they thought was reality, was nothing more than a lie, hidden within a truth.

This person knows who they are, and what they have done. All I can say now is, "Shame on you..." You have hurt me beyond words. You have taken everything that I held true and sacred in my life, and made a mockery of it. I have felt more betrayal from you, than I ever care to feel from anyone, ever again. I may never know why, and that is what hurts the most. To you I bid a short farewell. I hope eventually, you come to realize that this destructive behavior will be your downfall. You have spat in the faces of the ones that were there to help, and love you. There is no portion of my life that needs your kind of misery. I pity you, only for the fact that you have brought all of this on yourself. What a sad world it has become, knowing that chivalry is not dead- but alive and thriving. I wish all the luck in the world for you, I hope that someday you will pull yourself from the pit of self loathing that you have created for yourself. I won't have my spirit broken again.

Goodbye.

I was supposed to go swimming today but those plans fell through. We decided to stay in and have a quiet evening tonight. It had called for some thunderstorms today, and rain has always been very soothing to me. So, it started pouring down the rain about 25 minutes ago, and I won the "Coolest Aunt in the World" award for the day.

Greg said, "Wow honey, you need to come and look at this...", I got up to look out my front door and it was raining so hard, that you couldn't see 5 feet in front of you. It was that New Orleans type of rain that my soul longs for. I said "I'm going to go play in it...."

I promptly changed my clothes, into some cut off shorts and a t-shirt. I took off my sandals, and walked right out into the middle of the street. I then went next door to my sister's house, and peeked my head through the front door, because the rest of me was soaked to the bone. I asked her son and step daughter if they would like to join me, and they thought I was joking. I said, "C'mon if your coming, it's not going to last very long..." My brother in law started to protest to which I quickly replied, "Awe, come on Jerry, I'm going to be there with them-this is the kind of fun they need to indulge in..." He finally agreed, and they didn't take another second to follow me out.

We played in the pouring rain, like we were all kids, myself included. I showed them how to squish their toes in the mud just right so they could feel it go between their toes. We stomped in the mud puddles. We twirled around with the kind of light heartedness that only comes from letting go of everything-if only for a few minutes. We came over to my porch to play in the waterfall type stream that runs off the front of my awning, onto my steps when it rains this hard. We went back and stomped around in the mud puddles some more and my nephew, Christian said, "Aunt Karen, does this make you feel like a kid again?", with that giant bright smile of his and I said, "Yes honey, it sure does...."

I almost cried, it was so beautiful....

It has been brought to my attention that I don't post as often as I should, and in keeping my end of the deal, I need to start posting on a more regular basis. So I am *smiles*

Everything is going very good on the home front. I now have freedom within my home, and that's something that wasn't there before. I had almost forgotten how wonderful life can be when everyone involved is happy. You don't have to be happy with life outside of your home, as long as you have sanctity and refuge within the confines of your own walls. I actually enjoy being inside my house now. There's a certain level of comfort that I wouldn't exchange for the world. I have decided to just live my life. I'm done going out of my way to make everyone happy. The fact is, you can't please everyone all of the time without shooting yourself in the foot to get there. I'm focusing more on my personal life, because in the end, that is where 90% of my problems have stemmed from in the past. I've wasted entirely too much time in my life on things that will have no significance 10 years down the road. It's been so long since I have been happy with *myself*, and the person that I am, that I seem to have lost touch somewhere along the way. I'm finding myself again, and it's a great feeling. I've needed to work on myself, for some time now. I just needed that jump start kick in the ass to get it going. It's nice to know that I have options now, that I didn't have before. I've never been the, "stay at home", home maker type of person, because that was never an option. I've always had to work.

Now's it's a personal choice. If I want to work, I can, but I don't have to work if I don't want to. I have a lot more time on my hands these days, and I'm slowly seeing all of the things that I have put off for so long. I have more time to grow as an individual, and I didn't realize how very important that is until now. I have compiled a list of projects and goals, and for the first time in a very long time, losing weight isn't on the agenda. I'm not going to go out of my way to do it, if it happens- that's great. If it doesn't happen who gives a shit? I mean really. *I* have to be happy with myself, and I am. Greg loves me for who I am, not for how much I weigh. He thinks I'm beautiful, as do I, and that is what's important. There's always going to be someone that's thinner and more attractive than I am- but I must say I'm not doing too shabby in the running. On a scale of what really matters in life, that's such a small perfectly absurd thing to worry about.

My life has come full circle. I found my father, and we are building a relationship that has been 30 years in the making. It has had a very profound effect on my life. My sister Kathy will be home in the next 6-9 months, and that will be the start of getting my family back intact to where it's supposed to be. My mother will be home in 2-4 years, and my world will be complete. Spiritually, I am making more of an effort than I have in quite some time. I love my life, and I love the people in it. I am whole, and I am happy.

It's been a really long time since I did anything like this, and after doing one courtesy of malakhgabriel, I figured it would give me something to do. So here goes-

1. Leave me a comment saying, "Interview Me."
2. I will respond by asking you five questions. I get to pick the questions.
3. You will update your LJ with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the post.
5. When others asking to be interviewed comment, you will ask them 5 questions.

-If you want to be interviewed let me know.-

( Answers to my interview by Gabe )

Today isn't looking so fantastic as it stands thus far. If you are male, you may want to think twice about reading under the cut.

( Enter at your own risk- gross period stuff ahead. )

It's positively beautiful outside today, it almost makes me wish that I was capable of cutting grass. -side note- That is a very pliable thing to say. I am highly allergic to wild onions (the kind that grow in your lawn) and freshly cut grass. The bitch of this is that I love the smell of fresh cut grass, but if i'm touching it, I break out and swell up like a balloon.

So, it's warm, and I'm thinking that a high ride is in order. Today is going to be a very euphoric day, I can taste is! I refuse to let anything bring me down today. I look like a hippie- pig tails, white do-rag, white lace up tank top, multi colored multi print gypsy skirt, sandals, black choker, big silver hoop earrings-and the world is a wonderful place. I'm in such a super mood, it's like a bi-polar switch from yesterday. I'm goig to go for a high ride while the weather is still nice, and my mood is great...

Song for the day- Crossfade, "So Far Away"

I've been changin' but you'll never see me now
(I've been changin' but you'll never see me now)
Now I'm blaming you for everything

No more holding it in
How many years can I pretend
That nothing never goes the way it should
No more sitting in this place
Hoping you might see it my way
Cause I don't think you ever understood
That what I'm looking for are the answers
To why these questions never go away

[Chorus]
I'm so far away
I've been changin' but you'll never see me now
I'm so far away
Now I'm blaming you for everything

No more waiting for the end
Of every day that I will spend
Wishing that I only had a choice
No more pushing you away
Cause I will be busy watching things going my way
Never looking back on this anymore
'Cause what I'm looking for are the answers
To why these questions never go away

[Chorus]

I've been changin' but you'll never see me now
Now I'm blaming you for everything

I'm so far away

Hey hey watch me wave...
Goodbye to yesterday...
Nothing left in my way...
Hey hey I've been saved-
With sun shining on my pain...
Getting me through this day...
Hey hey watch me wave...
Goodbye to yesterday..
Nothing left in my way-
Feels so good to say...

[Chorus]

Now I'm blaming you
I'm so far away

It's almost like someone shook the snowglobe of my every day life. This area has been pounded with almost 5 inches of snow since noon. It's so beautiful to look at from the confines of my nice warm house. I don't care much for cold weather, but it's kind of hard to pass up that kind of pure beauty.

Ok, so I feel like a mushball now. I heard my brother-in-law talking outside in the driveway, so I went to be nosy. There stands my 2.5 year old nephew Tobias, bundled in about 3 layers of clothes, plus his bright blue snowsuit with matching hat, scarf, and mittens. This is the first time that he's been out in the snow when he can really enjoy it. Jerry took him across the street to my neighbor, Garnet's yard. The yard is huge and has quite a few little hills in it, small enough that Tobias can ride his sleigh down. I stayed outside for a couple of minutes, just long enough to watch Tobias take his first sleigh ride. He loved it. He's just a handsome little boy too, and he just looked adoreable! I wish I had film. Jerry put him on his belly in the sleigh and sent him down the longest of the small hills, and he giggled and said "YAY!" all the way down. It touched my heart. Think I am going to go find gloves and ambush my sister...